Dumb Things to Say to the Grieving

     Grief is awkward, whether we’re trying to comfort someone in the loss of a job or the loss of a loved one. I’m on the receiving end as we mourn the death of our six-year-old granddaughter Lydia. We’ve received kind expressions of love, plus some well-intentioned fumbles. With gratitude for everyone’s attempts to console, here’s what I’m learning to avoid and what really helps:  
AVOID SAYING:
     * I know how you feel because my dog died recently. (That’s painful, but please don’t make comparisons to my loss.)     
     * I remember when  _________ . (Your ten-minute grief story follows, in which your burden shifts onto my already slumping shoulders.)      
     * God knew best. (So my struggles aren’t legitimate?)     
     * How are you? (Please don’t ask me to describe the searing pain running through me.)      
     * Have a good day. (Really?)     
     * If there’s anything I can do, let me know. ( But I can’t think beyond this moment.)     
     * Could this have been prevented if ________? (Please don’t ask me to read something you saw online.)     
     * Here’s what will help you get over your grief. (I need to travel through it, not get over it.)
BEST THINGS TO SAY:     
     * It’s good to see you.     
     * I’m so sorry.     
     * I miss (Name), too.  
BEST THINGS TO DO:     
     * Give a hug and don’t try to fill the silence.     
     * Drop off a meal in disposable containers.     
     * Offer SPECIFIC help. “I’m going to the grocery store today; what do you need?” or “Friday is your laundry day? Can I come over to help?”     
      Giving comfort isn’t comfortable, and we all stumble sometimes - me included. Perhaps the best we can do for each other is to keep our arms wide and our words few.